The power that fear has over me rears it’s ugly head in my life from time to time. I don’t believe this is necessarily a bad thing.
Fear serves it’s purpose in my life. Having a healthy sense of fear can be good. It’s good to have fear of certain things of course. Fear of being in a car accident leads me to wear my seatbelt. Fear can motivate me to work harder towards my goals.
But fear has also held me back. I have allowed the fear of change to keep me stagnant. I’ve stayed in the same job for so long partly out of fear. I feared rejection. I worried I wouldn’t be up to the challenge.
I tried something new in a temporary position and it went well enough that it can lead to a new permanent position.
There is also greater societal fears. The ones that can lead to division instead of conversation. A lot of it comes from a desire for self preservation.
I don’t believe it’s so much a fear of the unknown but perhaps more so of losing what is known. Even if what is known or routine isn’t the best or good for our lives.
Letting go of that comfort is the first step in facing fear. Not only in our personal lives but also in the current societal conversations. Fearing what can change can lead to shutting down a conversation.
In the years since I’ve become a Christian I’ve had a hard time letting go of fear. I’ve clung to it instead of being willing to see what God wants for me. Whether it’s breaking me from personal habits or long held ideas.
Fear at times is a good thing to lean into. At other times it’s better to face it and push through. Letting go of comfort and the familiar.
I try to be careful about allowing others to speak fear into my life. These projections that others attempt to place on my heart. There is a lot happening right now. Individual fears are being exposed.
Hiding behind fear isn’t the answer. Seeking to understand the why behind someone’s fear, listening and prayer all alleviate the power of fear. I know it’s something I plan to do.
Hey there! It’s been a while since I posted last August. I ran out of ideas and the energy to contribute to a weekly blog post.
But blogging can be like an itch that must be scratched.
I desire to write again. I have spent most of this year reading, listening and digesting the world around me.
Since my One Word 365 is Learning it is rather fitting don’t you think?
At this time I am unsure of how often posts will be put up, most likley bi-weekly.
I also hope to play around with video posts. A brief flirtation earlier this year.
I began this blog to document my weightloss journey over four years ago. As time went on it became a bit more unfocused, writing about writing, God and the world.
While most advice to bloggers is to stay the course, only blog about that ONE thing over and over. Well that’s boring and part of why I my posts have been scattered. I am more than just that ONE thing.
So continue to expect a little bit of everything from me. If you are so inclined to read and or watch.
Which I thank you for reading my little blog. I plan on posting about my Whole 30 Journey and my Word for 2018. Beyond that is unknown.
When I began blogging consistently over four years ago I wanted a place to tell my weightloss story. Then it evolved into a more organic form of blogging, scheduled but organic. I say organic because I did not have a real strategy for what I was doing. Some months it was focused on faith, other times the writing process and then back to weightloss. I truly do not know if being so all over the map hindered the way my blog grew.
In the last few months, as I moved this blog back to WordPress and not posting as often. I have taken time to think about what I want to do.
I was excited to begin my career as a freelance writer, but excitment can only get one so far when fear is involved. Looking back I have allowed fear to creep in and lie to me. I got a few jobs for writing but I did not follow through as I should have with them. Working them to lead me to another job and another because I feared not having a consistent paycheck to depend on. In fact I still do.
So much of the fear has to do with a lack of education on my part. I’ve been lazy and distracted by the busyness of my life. It doesn’t help matters that I am unsure of how to categorize myself as a writer, what box or boxes do I check off? Do I want to check off those boxes? I am not sure that my skills as a writer are best suited for on spec work.
I have not worked in my novel as I should of been and how I want to. I have stories to tell and tell them I will. One thing I do know is that I want to write and I will always write. No matter the form it takes. Will it be blogging, publishing a book or scribbling in a notebook? Perhaps all three, perhaps one or two of them. In some way, writing will always be in my life. A writer I will always be, a writer I have always been.
There is nothing quite like the feeling of a story gaining traction. It can be more thrilling than riding a roller coaster. And I love roller coasters. Just as with writing, roller coasters have their ups and downs. There is the wait in line for to ride it, then its over too quickly.
I have struggled with writing the sequel to my novel for the past year. There was something missing, a plot point or character that just would not work. But I was unable to see it. I was experimenting with this one and it just was not working. Some parts of the plot were working but others parts just would not gel.
So I worked on it here and there, writing and rewriting. Creating outlines, note cards and then throwing them out because none of it made much sense to the story. Other times I paused working on it, allowing my brain to work on it subconsciencely.
Then it came to me while watching a movie, I knew exactly why the story wasn’t working and what had to be done. It meant losing a character entirely. Which is always hard as us writers do become quite attached to them. Losing him meant another character comes out of the shadows.
This is how writing works. The breakthroughs coming after several drafts, reworking plot points and going back and forth on what will work in the story. This breakthrough is wonderful but also means having to nearly start over. It helps that the it has good bones, so not everything needs to change.
This effort is worth it. It is worth seeing something through.
Keep writing the story, rewriting and pausing if needed. The words will come and when they do, be prepared for a flood of them to come. Figuring out a stuck plot point can be so wonderful. It is worth the hardship of getting through those sticky plot points.
For the past five years I have chosen a word to define my year instead of list of resolutions. Since starting this tradition, each word has revealed something new to my life. Pushing me to accomplish different things in my life, including writing this blog. Each word is more than simply a word but more so a theme for the year.
At the start of this year I did not have my word. Half heartedly, I tried out a few different words. But none of them felt right. In reality, they felt wrong, false somehow to where I am in my life.
Then it came to me. Actually it had be in front of me the whole time. Coming up several times in conversation with friends.
This is my year of learning.
Learning about myself, who I am in Christ, my community and the larger world beyond.
I need to learn.
I am willing to learn.
I want to learn.
It fits in perfectly to where I am in my life. I look forward to seeing how this word will affect this year. The adventures and experiences it will take me on.
I have been posting here sporadically for the last few months. The truth is I just don’t know what to write about anymore. Or that if anyone is even reading my posts. It has been nearly three years since I started blogging consistently. In reality I am not sure of the direction I should take right now with it.
This began as a place to document my weight loss and journey to health over four years ago. A journey that has taken a few detours as I have gained and weight and lost motivation to eat well or work out as often. My heart has turned more towards the world of advocacy to combat human trafficking locally and globally.
How these two aspects can be a coherent blog is what has been in the back of my mind for months. Focusing on both has not felt right to me. Or does it need to be one or the other. Does my voice really count out here in the vastness of the internet. A place that is becoming more ugly of late.
All in all I am just tired. I feel I have not been as genuine as I could be or that I have repeated myself over and over. So for a bit I will not be posting as regularly, which means I won’t be posting to my regular schedule. But instead posting once a week if at all.
I also need to focus on my novel more and trying to get blog posts in each week has been distracting. Plus my day jobs are about to fill up my time even more. I hope my regular readers are patient and also look for updates on my FB page as I will utilize that more in the coming months.
I have added a new page to the website! A Hire Me page for writing services. Adding the page in itself was a feat of bravery for me. Seriously, I wanted to reach out to my friend who designed my site for me to do it. I was worried I would click the wrong thing and that would be the end of my website.
But I wanted to learn how to do this myself and so after taking a deep breath I did. And my site did not break either. That was a victory. If you know me, you would understand how far I have come with these techy type things. Just a few years ago I would of allowed fear to prevent myself from even attempting this type of thing. I know it is just a website but it’s a victory for me.
Is fear holding you back from the attempt? I understand if it is. Trying something new or stretching your skills can be scary. Especially that first attempt, but trying is better than letting fear get in the way.
What is something scary that you have tried recently?