In conjunction with the release of Sarah Bessey’s new book Out Of Sorts, I am participating in a synchblog. If you haven’t read her blog or her previous book, Jesus Feminist I highly reccomend you do. Her voice is often breath of fresh air on the interwebs and I look forward to reading her latest book!
I used to thinkthat I was forgotten, but now I think I am beloved.
When I was a child, I went on road trips with my parents. My dad enjoyed looking at historical sights, often this meant graveyards. Graveyards filled with headstones whose names were well worn off. Lives that were now forgotten.
It saddened me, that lives fully lived could be forgotten. It struck me that, my life would also be forgotten. A fear was born. I feared that this would become my fate. My life here forgotten once all those who loved me leave this world. I can’t say that this is exactly when this fear began but it sure didn’t help it.
And this fear grew as I entered my teen years. As I grieved the loss of several family members over a three year span. As I tried to fit in but didn’t. Becoming jealous when hearing of others going out and I wasn’t invited. I began to feel that being forgotten was simply my lot in life.
Then I met Jesus. I began to read the Bible and I learned something crucial. That the Lord doesn’t need me, but instead that he wanted me. He had never forgotten me in all the time I felt so. He had pursued me as I pursued friendships and approval.
He is my creator, he brought me to life. I felt so forgotten and hopeless because I didn’t know of the amazing love Jesus has for me. How this truth that I am his beloved, royal daughter squashed this fear of being forgotten.
Those moments of jealousy and anger can still crop up from time to time. But I am quickly reminded of who I am Christ. I will never be doomed to being forgotten.
This is a repost
Lately, something has been bugging me about praying for the marriages in our churches. Not just because it is yet another reminder of my singleness. A question formed in my mind, Why aren’t singles in the church as specifically prayed for? I don’t believe that this is because we are thought of as less than marrieds. This may have more to do with the mentality towards singleness. Even from those of us in the midst of it. That somehow our lives and struggles are not as important as those who are married. Or that this state of being is more private to be prayed about so publicly.
It is of course important to pray for marriage. It is hard, challenging, full of trials and blessings. It is a beautiful example of Christ’s love for us.
But so is singleness. Being a single in the church today is more of the norm than not. A pew poll from 2012 found that this group is in fact growing. For a number of reasons people are waiting longer to get married. Or are recovering from past relationships. Or like me have never been in a relationship.
In fact most churches are having to adjust how to minister to us.
Which is why it is just as important to remember to pray for us. Singleness can be challenging, full of trials and blessings. Pray not only for our potential, future marriages but also for our lives right now.
The majority of us are searching for our spouse. Pray that we be discerning in pursuing a spouse . Pray for us as we try online dating and get to know new people. Pray for us as we pursue our dreams and establish ourselves. Keep in mind too not necessarily all of us are looking for that in our lives. Marriage, like college may not be for everyone.
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I am a recovering binge eater. There was a time when food was my primary relationship. It really was. It was was not just mindless eating. At least for me it wasn’t. I have touched on this in a previous post.
Today I want to talk about how far I have come. My relationship with food will always be complicated. These days, it is in a good place. When I was in the midst of losing weight, counting calories was a huge part of my life. This continued once I reached my weight goal, or what I believed to be my goal. More on this in another post.
My attitude towards food began to change because God intervened. That is the truth. I longed for change, to be released from this desire for food. God used the circumstances of my life to do it. When I lost my job and had little money for food, I had to choose my food carefully. It had to last and in turn it had to be healthy. There was no option to be able to binge eat. That was God right there. Here is a post I
That was five years ago. Yesterday it struck me as I was grocery shopping how far I have come. I was hungry as I shopped. One of the worst things to ever do! However, I bought what I needed and was excited to buy fruits and vegetables.
I have learned that it is alright to be excited about food. To look forward to eating and enjoying food. When I was binge eating, I was trying to fill a God sized hole within myself. After I lost weight I was afraid of enjoying what I ate. Fearing that by doing so I would fall back into bad habits.
This lead to a period of seeing food as a necessary evil. I feared straying over my daily caloric intake, obsessing over how many calories I burned with each work out. That somehow if I was not as strict I would wake up the next day fat. In fact I felt like I thought more about food than during my worst binges. For my mental and physical health I had to find a balance. Something that is easier said than done. For a time I had to stop tracking my calories.
Eating is not a utilitarian endeavor though. I have taste buds that need to teased and tantalized. It is ok to look forward to a meal and enjoy eating it. These days I am up and down. The difference is I allow for grace. No longer do I think through all I ate that day. Or chastise myself for a poor choice.
From time to time I use My Fitness Pal to help track where I am at but it is no longer gospel to me.
Food will always be in my life, it is necessary to eat. Today, I eat to fuel my body while enjoying it.