The Power Of Fear

The power that fear has over me rears it’s ugly head in my life from time to time. I don’t believe this is necessarily a bad thing.

Fear serves it’s purpose in my life. Having a healthy sense of fear can be good. It’s good to have fear of certain things of course. Fear of being in a car accident leads me to wear my seatbelt. Fear can motivate me to work harder towards my goals.

But fear has also held me back. I have allowed the fear of change to keep me stagnant. I’ve stayed in the same job for so long partly out of fear. I feared rejection. I worried I wouldn’t be up to the challenge.

I tried something new in a temporary position and it went well enough that it can lead to a new permanent position.

There is also greater societal fears. The ones that can lead to division instead of conversation. A lot of it comes from a desire for self preservation.

I don’t believe it’s so much a fear of the unknown but perhaps more so of losing what is known. Even if what is known or routine isn’t the best or good for our lives.

Letting go of that comfort is the first step in facing fear. Not only in our personal lives but also in the current societal conversations. Fearing what can change can lead to shutting down a conversation.

In the years since I’ve become a Christian I’ve had a hard time letting go of fear. I’ve clung to it instead of being willing to see what God wants for me. Whether it’s breaking me from personal habits or long held ideas.

Fear at times is a good thing to lean into. At other times it’s better to face it and push through. Letting go of comfort and the familiar.

I try to be careful about allowing others to speak fear into my life. These projections that others attempt to place on my heart. There is a lot happening right now. Individual fears are being exposed.

Hiding behind fear isn’t the answer. Seeking to understand the why behind someone’s fear, listening and prayer all alleviate the power of fear. I know it’s something I plan to do.

Writing Utensils - Pen and Keyboard

To Write or Not To Write…

When I began blogging consistently over four years ago I wanted a place to tell my weightloss story. Then it evolved into a more organic form of blogging, scheduled but organic. I say organic because I did not have a real strategy for what I was doing. Some months it was focused on faith, other times the writing process and then back to weightloss. I truly do not know if being so all over the map hindered the way my blog grew.

In the last few months, as I moved this blog back to WordPress and not posting as often. I have taken time to think about what I want to do.

I was excited to begin my career as a freelance writer, but excitment can only get one so far when fear is involved. Looking back I have allowed fear to creep in and lie to me. I got a few jobs for writing but I did not follow through as I should have with them. Working them to lead me to another job and another because I feared not having a consistent paycheck to depend on. In fact I still do.

So much of the fear has to do with a lack of education on my part. I’ve been lazy and distracted by the busyness of my life. It doesn’t help matters that I am unsure of how to categorize myself as a writer, what box or boxes do I check off? Do I want to check off those boxes? I am not sure that my skills as a writer are best suited for on spec work.

I have not worked in my novel as I should of been and how I want to. I have stories to tell and tell them I will. One thing I do know is that I want to write and I will always write. No matter the form it takes. Will it be blogging, publishing a book or scribbling in a notebook? Perhaps all three, perhaps one or two of them. In some way, writing will always be in my life. A writer I will always be, a writer I have always been.

Story Monday : Zombies & Survival

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The first Monday of each month I like to talk about story. How it manifests in our lives. Today, I want to talk about The Walking Dead and its companion series Fear The Walking Dead.

Fear The Walking Dead takes place at the start of the epidemic which leads us to the world of The Walking Dead. With the premiere of TWD still weeks away, this show is a nice little appetizer. The two shows tell the same story from two different perspectives. Before and after. I have to say, I am enjoying FTWD so far. I enjoy knowing more than the characters, waiting for them to discover all that has been revealed on TWD.

I enjoy these shows for several reasons. First the writing is just phenomenal, every episode I wonder what will happen next. This show demands you pay attention to the smallest details. You never know when it can surface later. Those are the best moments as a viewer.

But why is this show such a phenomenon? What about it draws us in so much?

I believe it is because it speaks to innate desire to survive . We can place ourselves in the lives of the survivors. I mean who resigns themselves to becoming a zombie? We want to believe we would fight and survive. That we would be Rick’s right hand guy or gal.

But this simply is not possible is it? The zombies out number the humans. For this reason, I fear the final fate of the family from FTWD. Surviving this, in those beginning days are no more than a fluke.

That being said, I love the opportunity to explore another part of this universe. To see the initial pandemonium as the pandemic rises. Our systems of government, cities and towns falling apart as some flee and others succumb to the disease. In the midst of hopelessness, there is a glimmer of hope.

Perhaps in the end it is this idea of hope that gives these shows an edge. In this desperate place, there can still be family. Together, we can get through this as opposed to alone. While one can physically survive, as Michonne did, ones heart and soul was damaged. Look how long it took her to break down those walls. Once she did, she began to love fiercely and began to live instead of simply survive.

A book I liked as a teen that followed these themes was The Stand by Stephen King. No zombies but a lot of good verses evil.

Mid Week Motivator: Fear

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A healthy fear in my definition is fear that pushes one forward. It means knowing where I came from a few years ago and that I don’t want to go back. I want to live well, to live a healthy, well rounded life. It pushes me to keep track of how I eat with my fitness pal and regain my confidence with running by using the C25k app.
A healthy fear can be a motivating fear.

The Year of Boldness

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I chose the word BOLDNESS as my word for 2014. This was my third year choosing a word to define my year. My first year it was YES, the following year it was LOVE. Each year has been full of change, surprises, and growth.

This year has been no different. I was not sure what boldness would like for me. That I would be able to live up to it. I had a lot of goals for this year, some were forgotten or left half done. Others were pursued.

I have achieved some of my goals but not all of them. My website is currently being designed and should be live by the end of January. I began to work for a growing marketing company as their in house copy writer.

But there were some writing goals I did not continue to work on. My fiction work took a hit as I focused more on my blog and my work with the company. Plus my battle with laziness and fear also came into play.

I allowed fear to hold me back from pursuing more freelance writing gigs. One of the reasons I held back was that I did not have internet at home. While I could use wifi out in public it was a cause of immense stress for me. Now I have installed internet which will allow me to do the work without added pressure of time constraints.

Slowly, I am working on my fiction. A new story is coming together. I also plan to pick up my other novel, edit it and (after a deep breath) querying it.

This past February I ran my first half marathon. Seeing what my body, in this healthy state can do is the best gift. I hope to run another one this year or next.

I am still single and it has not always been easy I must admit. However, God has really grown me in this season. Trusting Him in the plans for me instead of my plans.

God has used me to minister to the young adults in my church. I pray to continue to be used in this way for as long as God wants.

My friend ships have grown deeper. From these women I am learning how to love well. To see Jesus in every relationship and aspect of this life.

Is that living boldly? I don’t know if that is bold enough. It was however, a growing, stretching year. I have not decided whether or not I will define 2015 with a word. Whether or not I choose one, my prayer for this coming year is to continue to grow and be stretched.

What are your hopes for 2015? How do you feel about 2014?

Mid Week Motivator- Coming Soon!

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I have the pleasure to announce that my website is now under development! This has been a long time coming, last May I purchased my domain name and then did nothing else. I admit I was scared. Taking that step made things real. But this is my dream to pursue writing and I need to do the work.

I finally took a deep breath and followed up with the rest I needed to do. My dear friend Wendy is designing my site as we speak. My other dear friend Erica is kindly offering her services as a photographer to update my photos.

I do this conceding this website does not truly belong to me. It along with anything else given to me belongs to God. I look forward to this new adventure, where or what will come from this. I’m as ready as can be.

What is something that you need to do that scares you?

Mid Week Motivator- Looking Towards The New Year

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I know, it is weeks away. Trust me, those weeks will fly by! Before we know it will be News Year Eve. What do you want to do differently this coming year? What dreams, hopes or goals do you have? You don not need to have all the answers or any of the answers right now. However, you should consider these questions in the next few weeks as we prepare to say goodbye to this year.

 

Maybe you do know what it is you want from your life, want you want to change and it is scaring the crap out of you. This is normal. This is fine. Look fear in the face and pursue your dreams!