This past January marked the two year anniversary of the beginning my journey to health. I can not quite believe how the time has flown! I showed up at the park that first day without expectation. All I knew was that I was ready and willing. To this day I am still amazed at the transformation that followed. So many things took me by surprise,becoming a runner for one. Another thing that I found surprising how I became more of myself as I lost weight.
As I Gained confidence in my physical abilities, this lead to confidence in other areas of my life. One of those areas is in my writing. I have always written, whether it was a journal or the pages of fan fiction I scribbled away during French class in high school. Stopping and starting short stories and a novel that would in the end take me fifteen years to finish. Looking back I realized I had such trouble finishing my stories not because I lacked ideas but because I lacked confidence. I just did not believe that I could write well.
For years I looked at writing as my secret. It was just a hobby like any other and there it would stop. I took stabs at public writing here and there. Started a blog which really had no direction and ended up closing it out. During the time of my weightless, I also became fast and great friends with Wendy. She played an integral role in helping me gain confidence in my writing. Lovingly chiding me for not writing so much each day. Forcing me to sit and think about what I want to do with this talent.
Not only did I find I was gaining confidence in my physical and writing abilities but also confidence in friendships. For years I had friends but kept people at a distance. I lacked confidence that I was enough for them. I struggled heartily with jealousy, when discovering my friends had all hung out together and I was not called to join in the fun. Or when inside jokes would be told and I was not clued in. Feeling hurt I built a wall around my heart. Holding people up to a standard that they were unaware.
Over the years I had let some people in but for the most part I was rather closed off. If I had this much trouble with friends forget about dating! Dating scared me. The idea of someone learning all the ins and out of who I am terrified me. At this point in my life I was not honest with who I was, did not understand love so how could I possibly know how to love anyone? I lacked confidence that I knew how to love.
Honestly my journey to health did not begin that first day at the park. It really began when I came forward down the aisle at church longing for Christ. From that time forward God began to work on me. No matter how much I resisted, no matter how long I stayed a baby Christian. God had me all along the way and still does. Patiently and not always so kindly but needed I learned to seek Him in all things. To be thankful in seasons of hardship. Through that time, in that time is when I grew confident in His love for me. That the more I cast aside my plans, hopes and wants and submitted to His will that my life improved.
It was God who placed a friend in my life to get me physically healthy. It was God who has put these amazing women and men in my life who have shown me again and again what love can truly look like in the everyday, nitty gritty life. It was God who healed me of my closed off ways and jealous tendencies. It was Him who gave me this writing talent in which I hope to do some good. It was Him who has given me the gift of confidence in all things.
I am a new person since I have begun this journey. Trying new things and putting my heart and love out there for the taking. Willing to put my writing out there for public consumption. I finished that novel I started as a teenager. I want to read through it once more before I start querying it for I feel it is a story that needs telling. Taking a chance and stretching my skills as I figure out what it means to be a freelance writer.
I am not willing to hide anymore as I used to, unafraid of rejection for that will come. Rejection is part of life. If I am being rejected then that means I have the confidence to go out there in the first place. That is one of the more valuable lessons and truths I have gained on this journey. That is why I am adamant that losing weight is not just about food and exercise but life as a whole. Sometimes when I look around that message is not so clear. The emphasis is on the newest diet or exercise and I get that, it is a billion dollar industry. However if your motivation is to be the person in the dvd or magazine and not yourself then you are just fooling yourself. Decide to step up and reclaim your health for you! If you are willing , and give in to the process fully, you too can look back a year or two and be amazed.
You too can have a story of how you used to be before confidence got ahold of your life! Or perhaps you already have a story to tell. I am taking submissions for guest posts at LindaSharonConnelly@gmail.com