The Heart Issue

Another shooting took place last week.

Friends and Family are grieving.

I am angry. I am saddened.

And social media is flooded with anger and sadness.

And what has become platitudes.

Thoughts & Prayers has become the throw away line. Something an intern can tweet out quickly when a tragedy occurs.

Following it is this is a heart issue. I don’t disagree that this a heart issue. From the accounts of Nickolas Cruz he had a history of disturbing behavior. Several times over the years tips and complaints were placed on him. Investigators from DCF cleared him.

Absolutely his heart lead him to take his gun into the school last Wednesday. Evil exists and it will rear its ugly head no matter what is done.

But by posting or saying it’s a heart issue, it then negates any examination of our own hearts. Of the things that we seek out for security. It points to the other instead of facing the truth of our own hearts and motivations.

I too am also examining my heart as I walk through this anger and sadness. It hasn’t helped watching things unfold, as details emerge from that day.

There is so much anger. Comment sections devolve into name calling and dehumanizing each other. Our words matter. The heart behind our words matter.

When it’s said this is a heart issue, I too believe we must also examine our reactions. The things we post, the comments made reveal where our own hearts stand. How we care and treat each other . What is it we want to believe about the other side? What will be lost if we learn we aren’t entirely right or wrong.

As I work through all of this I pray. I believe in a big God who can do anything. I believe in the comfort He can bring to us . In the Hope only God can bring.

I also believe in action. In calling for change in our laws. In having real discourse with each other to really understand our fears on either side. Because This doesn’t need to happen, this isn’t inevitable.

Season of Change

Change is never easy. Even change that is for the better. Change in our lives means navigating new, unknown waters. Too often in my own life knowing this detail about change has held me back from attempting something new. Or having the confidence to say “Yes, I can do that!”. Just over two years ago I was allowing fear and lack of confidence to hold me back.

It is also easier to stay in what we know than to change our circumstances. It is the devil that we know is it not? I was willing to stay in a miserable state simply because it was what I knew.

Then I began my journey to health.

In that journey,I gained the confidence that had eluded me so far in life. It is not just about losing pounds of fat. I emerged changed not only physically but also internally. Having discovered this confidence but by becoming dissatisfied with the status quo of my life. I found I wanted and deserved more.

Currently I am in the midst of a season of change. My writing career is really ( and I must say scarily) taking off. New opportunities are coming my way and part of me wants to hide from all of it. However the other stronger, confident part of my is standing up to embrace this change. No longer will I hide from change, good or bad.

Embracing change has allowed me to grow. Gaining confidence has freed me to pursue dreams. To step outside that comfort zone. To get comfortable with being uncomfortable. To have my sense of where I belong challenged. Embracing change is not easy but in doing so I have begun to emerge as the woman I am today. The person I am in the process of becoming.

Changing Goals

I had some goals for this month. The biggest one was to read through my novel and begin the process of querying. I breezed through the first part of the my manuscript and then coming onto the second part I hit upon several delays. First was discovering that I had misplaced a few chapters in my organizing a few weeks back. This meant that chapters that I had thought were just needing a final polish were in fact needing to be rewritten. Not a fun feeling, especially when I thought this part was already finished. My focus became split when I found I was spending more time on this blog than my manuscript. Then LIFE interrupted my plans. Several things had gone wrong here and as usual I had to step back and evaluate what was going on.

 

I had to realize that perhaps my heart was not as in the goal of preparing my manuscript for publishing. I do want to publish it but right now my priority is this blog. A lot of my time has gone into writing and improving posts. There were several times when I could have been working on my manuscript and instead just lounged around or did anything but work on it. I did not protect writing time well enough. And did not utilize time that I could have been writing such as those hours before work in the morning.

 

I also did not factor in all my obligations. At the time I had finished my manuscript, my plate was not nearly as full and so had plenty of time to work as I pleased. While I became fairly disciplined in setting aside two hours five to six hours a week this was no longer the case for me. Living a fuller life these days also means more obligations. All these things are good, having more social, work and ministry obligations are great. It also requires me to plan better.

 

I had to realize that my goals had changed. This happens. Life changes, our hopes and dreams change. It can be hard to let go or simply allow one goal or dream to sit aside for a moment. I am learning that it is possible to have more than one dream at a time. I want success with this blog and success as a novelist. In that line of thinking I am starting to let go of some of my obligations. This will help to free up the time I need to accomplish these goals. Also be more protective of my writing time by thinking before agreeing to doing this or that. Ultimately my goal is to make my living from my words. I know this will take time and effort, reading books from other dreamers like Jeff Goins and Kristen Lamb.

 

With this new outlook and focus I hope to be successful at both improving this blog and getting my novel published. It can be done. I just need to take the time to learn, get my words out there and not allow fear or laziness to get in the way.

 

How have your goals and how to achieve them changed over time?