The Everyday Moments

It’s been a while since I last posted a blog. There was a lot of change in my personal life. Not only that but I had become less enthusiastic about blogging. I felt that blogs had to be about something BIG. A statement about the state of things and pontificating on such things isn’t easy. There are far better educated and nuanced writers out there who can capture these ideas than myself.

Then one day on Twitter, a blogger I follow lamented the loss of the blogs of old. Blogs about the everyday moments. Then she posted a blog about those very things. And I recalled why I fell in love with reading blogs (a moment of silence for Google Reader please!). And why I had fallen in love with writing my own. Starting on Blogger, moving to WordPress, to my own website and back to WordPress. My blogs have covered a variety of topics, the biggest one my journey to getting healthy five years ago.

Writing those posts about health, I began to feel like a fraud. While I’ve maintained certain aspects of healthy habits, I’ve let others fall by the wayside. So I began to write less of those. I wrote about writing ( another habit I’ve gotten out of as well). But I began to feel I didn’t have anything new to say that hadn’t already been said.

I wanted my writing career to take off via my blog. When it didn’t happen because I became overwhelmed with the amount of talent out there. My editing skills are not as honed and while I did find work for a time doing that, it wasn’t my forte. I felt lost as to where to start and if this is how I wanted to make my living. I had to ask myself what I wanted to gain from doing it.

Besides doubting myself I was also in the process of moving. For the first time since my twenties I was going to move into my a place of my own. Figuring out an affordable place to live was a long journey for me. I had also taken on a new role at my day job as well and I had no energy left to write.

I didn’t know what to write about for my blog or if I wanted to continue blogging. But then I saw the tweet about posting blogs about the regular everyday things and became inspired.

At this time I don’t have a plan for the blog. I know what I want to write about. I hope that people will find it helpful or funny or even themselves in them. I hope to recapture what I loved about writing blog posts and writing in general.

The Power Of Fear

The power that fear has over me rears it’s ugly head in my life from time to time. I don’t believe this is necessarily a bad thing.

Fear serves it’s purpose in my life. Having a healthy sense of fear can be good. It’s good to have fear of certain things of course. Fear of being in a car accident leads me to wear my seatbelt. Fear can motivate me to work harder towards my goals.

But fear has also held me back. I have allowed the fear of change to keep me stagnant. I’ve stayed in the same job for so long partly out of fear. I feared rejection. I worried I wouldn’t be up to the challenge.

I tried something new in a temporary position and it went well enough that it can lead to a new permanent position.

There is also greater societal fears. The ones that can lead to division instead of conversation. A lot of it comes from a desire for self preservation.

I don’t believe it’s so much a fear of the unknown but perhaps more so of losing what is known. Even if what is known or routine isn’t the best or good for our lives.

Letting go of that comfort is the first step in facing fear. Not only in our personal lives but also in the current societal conversations. Fearing what can change can lead to shutting down a conversation.

In the years since I’ve become a Christian I’ve had a hard time letting go of fear. I’ve clung to it instead of being willing to see what God wants for me. Whether it’s breaking me from personal habits or long held ideas.

Fear at times is a good thing to lean into. At other times it’s better to face it and push through. Letting go of comfort and the familiar.

I try to be careful about allowing others to speak fear into my life. These projections that others attempt to place on my heart. There is a lot happening right now. Individual fears are being exposed.

Hiding behind fear isn’t the answer. Seeking to understand the why behind someone’s fear, listening and prayer all alleviate the power of fear. I know it’s something I plan to do.

The Money Factor

I’m making some changes in my life and one of them includes moving this blog back to wordpress. I’ve been re-evaluating my finances, the way I look at money, getting older and I have to admit I got a bit scared. In two years I will celebrate being 40 years old, and on that day I also hope to celebrate being debt free. It is an ambitious goal and at this point I am not even sure how to achieve this goal.

But I am tired of living under the weight of debt, of being in survival mode and making poor decisions. It has made me feel like a failure over the years. Often leading me to comparing myself to others around me then into the dark of hole of unworthiness. Berating myself for poor decisions, becoming defensive at advice on how to get better.

I do not understand a lot about money, I try but it’s just not an area where I flourish. In reality, I find money boring. The way in how I take care of what is earned is just as much a testimony as how I take care of my health.  The money I have is only because it is money that God has allowed me to earn through work.

In continuing to make poor decisions with my finances I am not honoring God. It is the same as when I don’t care for my health, I am taking it for granted that I will always be well when life can and will throw curve balls at me.

The first step I am taking is admiting that I can do better, I don’t know exactly what I am doing and am eager to learn. I will make mistakes and hopefully will also learn from them along the way.

I also follow a blog called Every Single Dollar which is geared towards singles and I have found fairly helpful with my journey thus far. One of my first changes was forgoing paying for hosting and moving my blog back here onto to WordPress.com in order to save money. The other has been to cancel Netflix ( So, so so hard!). And the third is to forgo purchasing iced coffee, because after all I can make it at home and still get my caffiene fix.

What are some changes you’ve made in getting debt free?

 

This is my Year of Learning

 

For the past five years I have chosen a word to define my year instead of list of resolutions. Since starting this tradition, each word has revealed something new to my life. Pushing me to accomplish different things in my life, including writing this blog. Each word is more than simply a word but more so a theme for the year.

At the start of this year I did not have my word. Half heartedly, I tried out a few different words. But none of them felt right. In reality, they felt wrong, false somehow to where I am in my life.

Then it came to me. Actually it had be in front of me the whole time. Coming up several times in conversation with friends.

This is my year of learning.

Learning about myself, who I am in Christ, my community and the larger world beyond.

I need to learn.

I am willing to learn.

I want to learn.

It fits in perfectly to where I am in my life. I look forward to seeing how this word will affect this year. The adventures and experiences it will take me on.

 

 

 

Still Learning Healthy Skills

I was uncomfortable in my body when I was unhealthy and that did not change once I was healthier. My mind had to catch up with my body. What I did not know yet was that it would take time. Even though I was at my thinnest ever in my life, I became obsessive about two things. How flat other women’s stomachs seemed to me and counting my caloric intake. Seriously, the majority of my thoughts focused on that alone. I would sit in a room during Bible study and instead of paying attention, I would find myself staring at other women and their stomachs.

[Tweet “Were theirs flatter than mine? I need to sit up straighter so mine doesn’t poof out as much. If my stomach was flatter that guy would want to talk to me….”]

Were theirs flatter than mine? I need to sit up straighter so mine doesn’t poof out as much. If my stomach was flatter that guy would want to talk to me….

Then there was the constant counting of calories in my head. Constantly going over in my head and My Fitness Pay how much I ate and when I ate it. Calculating how much of my workouts negated the calories I had consumed.

I was exhausted. I had gone from binge eating to binge thinking about food. How much I ate, when I ate and what I ate. I spent more time on the food app then anything else.

A huge motivation during my journey to getting healthy was that it would lead to my believed fairy tale ending. I was blinded by the idea that it would be my turn, finally my turn and nothing was going to move me away from this idea! But (and there is always a but with God isn’t there), God was showing me something more. He placed people in my life who continue to cultivate the idea of His love in my life. People who challenge me and force me to really take a look at my motivations behind my goals.

I also had to grow comfortable with how my body. The key for me was coming to terms that my stomach will never be flat no matter how many ab work outs and sit ups I did. That no matter how much I count calories, there will be times that I am off or just don’t care enough.

I have gained weight since meeting my weight loss goal four years ago. Today, I am in a healthier place mentally and no longer desire to try to fit into some mold that doesn’t work for me. Meaning I still strive to be healthy, working out and eating well ( for the most part) but not freaking out as I once did when I do not. Accepting my body for what it is, for how God has made me has been so freeing.

I encourage those of you to strive for your goals, to be healthy and see the amazing things your body can do! Also learn to accept the reality of what your body will look like. There will be a time when the choices you make will be to not work our or to eat that “forbidden” food. Just try to be kind to yourself during those times. You are not less than because of these choices. How you come back from them is what will define you. Gaining health is not about getting it right all the time. It is learning skills in order to be healthy. To live a well rounded life.

I am still learning how to be healthy, and some lessons take longer than others. The biggest lesson I have learned is to keep going, that life can get in the way. Or like me one can just want a break for a time from the work out grind. And that is just fine…

 

 

Mid Week Motivator: Goal Setting Reboot

Setting goals is hard for me, it means I have to plan things ahead. This is skill I am still learning and have not yet mastered. I do know if I ever will in actuality. I’ve learned something crucial about goals and setting them. Here are three things that have stood out to me.

1-We romanticize them. I know I have done this, fantasing about how I would accomplish it or what life would look like once I did. I can tell you that achieving a goal looks entirely different then what I had imagined. Only to end up feeling disappointed or sad that it was or over.

2- Achieving a goals or goals often means working towards smaller goals first. This part is often overlooked, look at what steps or gains you need to achieve before getting to the main goal. When I started running, I had to first run a lap without stopping before I ran a half marathon.

3- Goals can change and that’s ok. Here is the truth, our lives, schedules and dynamics can change. A backburner goal can become your main goal. You may find you have more time for one thing and not another. This may mean pushing back a due date or rethinking your strategy.

And one last thought, January first is not a deadline to start . While it does fit in nicely, it being the first day of the new year and all. But it isn’t necessarily the right day for you to start. Perhaps the next month is better or even later in the year. But by setting January as  this arbitrary date allows for us to push back pursuing our dreams and goals. Jumping into your goal can be scary and uncomfortable. Set a date and stick to it, then go for it but  be willing to be flexible.

Mid Week Motivator: Facing Fear

I have added a new page to the website! A Hire Me page for writing services. Adding the page  in itself was a feat of bravery for me. Seriously, I wanted to reach out to my friend who designed my site for me to do it. I was worried I would click the wrong thing and that would be the end of my website.

But I wanted to learn how to do this myself and so after taking a deep breath I did. And my site did not break either. That was a victory. If you know me, you would understand how far I have come with these techy type things. Just a few years ago I would of allowed fear to prevent myself from even attempting this type of thing. I know it is just a website but it’s a victory for me.

Is fear holding you back from the attempt? I understand if it is. Trying something new or stretching your skills can be scary. Especially that first attempt, but trying is better than letting fear get in the way.

What is something scary that you have tried recently?