I do not handle stress well.
I have been anxious and angry lately. Circumstances are not where I want them to be. A lot of is not new but at times it is hard to wait on God. To even be still.
I tend to keep moving. To keep busy until I exhaust myself.
I do not always run to God as I should. Instead I revert to old habits. Habits that I find some kind of immediate comfort. Habits can be destructive.
All this does is run me down. I do not eat as well or exercise. My sleep is not as restful. I feel jittery and out of sorts. In other words, the complete opposite of who I usually am.
Resentment builds up in me. And yet I do not seek God as I should.
Because I do not want to hear what I already know.
I cannot do this on my own.
He is there, waiting to take on my burdens as I push him aside. As if I am a proud toddler, declaring “I can do it!” Even when I do not want to. When all I long to do is hide from my life. To not feel or face things in my life.
As much as I would like it to, life does not stop. There is work, family, friends who have their own struggles.
God is patient with me in these times. Placing people in my life who love over me. Who show me His grace again and again. I am so grateful to be placed in community and relationships who care for me.
He is my comfort. He is my strength. And I forget that. I believe that my problems or struggles are not worthy of His time.
That is when I need to stop. To stop and be still. To listen to my breath. To be still and wait on God.
For His plans for me are vast and pure. All that is asked of me is to trust and rest in Him.
Matthew 11:30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
When do you find yourself seeking something other than God in times of stress?
photo credit: blessed app